Quoting the Cute: Page Twenty-Three

 So. I haven't written for a very long time and my kids are growing up way too fast! Part of this is an old post that never got posted. Some of the quotes are already three years old!

When my oldest daughter (Kitty) was twelve, she said, "Everyone is afraid of walking skeletons even though we are ALL walking skeletons." When she was a year older, she started saying, "I'm dead inside." All the time. It was alarming to her parents and teachers, but she just thought it was funny. I remember being thirteen, so I think I get it. She is now almost fifteen. One day I was telling her that she is totally her father's daughter and she just said in a serious voice, "I should hope so." It made me laugh all day!

My youngest daughter (Honeybird) is eleven and still thinks it's cute to baby talk. I've been trying to convince her that it isn't, although I secretly have to admit that it is pretty cute sometimes! For awhile, it had rubbed off on to all of her siblings, even her older sister. Now that Kitty's at the high school, she has given it up, but I still have to remind her brothers how old they are all the time! When Honeybird was ten, she hit me in the face with a rubber band. I said, "Why would you do that?!?" And she said, "I didn't think it would hit you. I'm not that good of aim." Part of why this is so funny is because she's such a sweet kid, I know she didn't really WANT to hit me, but it sounds like she did because of how she said what she said!

My oldest son (King) always wants to be in charge, so if there is ever an opportunity to tell someone what to do, he is your man! He is almost ten now and one day this year when we were reading the Bible, he said, "I know what it means to commit adultery. It's when you blah, blah, blah when you're not married."

My youngest son (Fish) is now almost eight. When he was five, he used to always say, "I want suffing else." And a few times at that age, he would say something like, "I've been waiting for six thousand, ninety-eight days and you still haven't given me my birthday!" When he was six, we went for a hike where we met a small group of big horn sheep. Shortly down the trail, Fish slipped and fell in the mud. He was walking with his fingers curled and acting like he was so grossed out. I told him not to worry, that the mud would dry and just fall off. Then he said, "Yeah, but the problem is, 50% of it is big horn sheep poop!" Recently, he was asking me if he was hatched from an egg in my belly. I explained the best I could in the moment and told him that half of him came from his dad and half from me. Then he asked, "Was it the top half or the bottom half?" I still have a lot of explaining to do...

Quoting the Cute: Page Twenty-Two

My eleven-year-old daughter has grown up so much in this last year, it's a little alarming. One thing I am really enjoying about this change is that she's starting to laugh at my jokes.

At church, my eight-year-old daughter's teacher remarked at how smart their class was, so Honeybird answered, "it's cuz we're in second grade." It made the grown-ups laugh.

I asked my six-year-old if he was learning "America the Beautiful" for school, because he had been singing it from a paper. He responded, "Yes, we are going to sing it to the vegetarians."

I hesitate to share this quote, because it goes against a rule I made when I started this blog many years ago. Never say "poop." Or "poopy." But, it was so funny that night not long ago when our four-year-old spoke up what was on his mind at dinner: "Diarrhea is just poop that's all squished up."

I can't think of a quote for my eleven-year-old, so I'm going to tell her favorite joke: 

An elderly lawyer was about to die. One day he told his wife he had come up with a way to take all of the money he had with him to heaven. He told his wife to put all of his money in the attic so when he died he could grab it on the way up.
A couple of weeks after he died his wife was cleaning out the attic and saw that the money bags were still there. "That old fool," she chuckled. "I told him that we should have put the money in the basement!"

Last year my eight-year-old always started her school journal, "Oh, hello," which I think is so cute. Here is an entry from March 19, 2015: "Oh, hello, today I am EXSOSTED! Because yesterday I tripped and scraped my arm. My mom put burn spray on it. I did not like it and I was NOT happy!"

One day while I was napping and my husband was "watching" the kids, my youngest child drew some Easter drawings and then glued them to the dining room wall. When I noticed it the next day at dinner he said, "But you runned out of tape." It was so cute I couldn't be upset. A few weeks later we were talking about someday selling our house and my six-year-old son said, "We can't sell the house. There are pictures glued to the wall."

One morning I asked my four-year-old son if he wanted egg toast and he said, "Yes, but no egg." Now almost every day he tells me he wants his toast not to be toasted.

I found this quote on Pinterest that sums up how I feel right now: "Before we used to pass the time, but now the time is passing us." -Shushant Mojumdar

Quoting the Cute: Page Twenty-One

When my ten-year-old was maybe eight, she had a pair of toy handcuffs. They were equipped with a safety release feature just in case the keys got lost. She told us, "You can tell the people who made these really cared about people."

My seven-year-old is very quiet. In a house full of loud voices, her voice is not often heard. I have a hard time thinking of quotes for her!

My five-year-old still says "hadded" instead of "had." If he's still saying it when he finishes Kindergarten, I guess I'll have to start reminding him, but for now, I'm hanging on to the last bit of my big hunk's littlehood. 

Three-year-old: "Yes dem is!" or "See? I teld ya!"

Last year I couldn't help but giggle when my oldest daughter said something about the "pom pom trees" when we were in Southern Utah.

My seven-year-old loves to write. She especially loved it when she was in Kindergarten (see below). I'm always saving her papers because of the funny things she writes. I should dig some out and start posting my favorites!

I've quoted this with a different kid, but now it seems like my five-year-old's favorite thing to say is, "It's not fair!"

Three-year-old: "I want to watch a DDD!"

Quoting the Cute: Page Twenty

Ten-year-old daughter: "What? Is falling against the law now?"

My seven-year-old daughter said a silent prayer over her lunch at school and her teacher told her, "I love that you are so sweet."

Five-year-old son at the grocery store: "Mom, I have five words for you: Mine wegs are tie-yerd!"

Three-year-old son watching fireworks: "That scared me out of my crap!"

When we took my oldest daughter to the zoo for the first time (I think she was four) she told me that her favorite animals at the zoo were the "scrumpions" and the fish with no eyes. I was surprised and amused.

We asked our kids if they were excited to go to the mountains to gather firewood. Our seven-year-old daughter said, "Yes! I can't wait to find turkeys and bears and snakes!"

One day my five-year-old stuck his head in the door of the bathroom and said, "Mom, we're all counting on you." Then he stuck his head in again two or three seconds later and said, "I mean, we're all waiting for you."

My husband was talking to me one night at dinner and said that now that our youngest is potty-trained, he wishes we could freeze them. Of course, this was confusing to my three-year-old so when I tried to explain he burst into tears, "But I don't want to stay a little boy forever!!!" Luckily I was able to calm him quickly, reassuring him that we have no power to stop time...and the fact we are getting old too fast proves it.

My ten-year-old daughter is really starting to use her sense of humor. The other day, I told her to get the lid for the butter and put it in the fridge. So she got the lid and put the lid in the fridge. I told her she wasn't funny, but I couldn't keep from laughing.

When my seven-year-old was a toddler, she used to call hummingbirds "honeybirds." She flutters with her hands when she is happy, and has done this since she was tiny. Because of these things, I call her Honeybird.

I asked my five-year-old son what he likes most about school and he told me he likes everything about school, but he likes recess the best. I hope this never changes!

My three-year-old son says "mont-sir" for "monster" and draws them like this:

Someone tell me how to freeze time!

If a Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words

One late summer day, we took our four children into the mountains to gather firewood. We hadn't gathered firewood as a family in many years, so I planned to take the camera and take a few pictures. But because I planned to take it, I forgot it.

This reminds me of the first time I went to the zoo. I was an adult and I had never been to the zoo. My husband took me there before we had kids and I was so excited. But I forgot the camera. I still remember the "click" sound my husband made with his pretend camera as we walked around the park...

So as my children and I sat on a long, smooth log for a lunch break of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I noticed we were sitting tallest to shortest and wished I had my camera. I thought about how I wanted to remember that day, the way all of the children (ages three to ten) helped to carry firewood to the truck. And how cute my three-year-old boy looked bouncing on a young tree that had been bent to the ground by a fallen tree. I wanted to remember how excited we all were to see wild turkeys for the first time, and recall the simple joy of seeing a deer or a butterfly.

And then the thought came to me that I could write about it. I asked myself, "If a picture is worth a thousand words, does that mean a thousand words is worth a picture?" 

I want to remember how my husband and I agreed that baby cows are so cute and how strange that is since grown-up cows are not cute at all. I want to remember how my five-year-old son tried to convince his siblings that if we didn't lean away from the side of the vehicle closest to the drop-off over the side of the mountain road, then we would surely tumble over the edge. I want to remember how good it felt when  my husband and I worked as partners, without words, to remove the dead trees while the sound of the chain saw rang in our ears. The air was fresh except for those few whiffs of skunk, the day was cool enough to be able to work in our long sleeves without wilting, and the happy chatter of our kids was worth the hour-long drive to the gathering spot. As we bounced around in the truck on the rock-covered road, we started learning the words to "Away in a Manger" even though it is only August.

I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming gratitude for the chance to have a family and to share this world with such amazing little people. It was a good day. One for the photo albums!

Quoting the Cute: Page Nineteen

I haven't written for so long. I've been busy, but I do miss writing and sharing. The thing I am most sad about is that I haven't written very many "Quoting the Cute" posts! I will never get back all those funnies that have now been forgotten...

My three-year-old son went through a phase before he turned three where he was adding a "y" to the end of many of his words: booky, socky, cuppy, bean-baggy, hot-doggy.

My five-year-old son says "hice cream" instead of "ice cream," which is very endearing to me since that was what my dad called it when I was a kid (he had a sort of kid talk he'd use to get us excited about things).

My seven-year-old daughter has tattled on her five-year-old brother saying, "Mom, he said the S word!" I was actually relieved when I learned that the S word is stupid.

My ten-year-old daughter says smart things that I can never remember to write down. I do want to remember a cute thing she said a couple of years ago: "Mom, what are fox tails and why do I need to watch out for them? What will they do to me?"

My three-year-old usually omits the S sound if it comes at the beginning of a word, making cute phrases like, "I'm all ticky," or "I wan go whimming!"

My five-year-old told me one morning about a dream he had. In the dream he was running from something while trying to find me. I loved it when he said, "And I was running for mine wife (life)..."

My husband told my seven-year-old her first "grosser-than-gross" joke and this is what happened: "What's grosser than gross?" She thinks for a moment, "Hmmm...grossest!"

A few months ago, my ten-year-old was talking to her dad while he was concentrating on something else. "Dad?  Dad?  Dad? Dad?" etc. until he answered. By then she had forgotten what she was going to say so she then said, "Nevermind." Her three-year-old little brother heard the whole thing and must have been fascinated by the exchange because he did the same thing on purpose for a couple of weeks after that.

When my three-year-old was still two, he would respond with a sweet sing-songy "too!" whenever we told him we loved him. Later, he would say "Too, Dad" in his response to his dad's "I love yous." Now he says the full sentence and I can't believe how fast the time is going...

Quoting the Cute: Page Eighteen

Eight-year-old daughter as we walked home from a swimming party at the park:  "I am a little embarrassed.  I've never walked around in noodle straps before."

Five-year-old daughter as she said a morning prayer for the family:  "Please bless us to run fast if we see a lion or something."

Four-year-old son singing at the end of his favorite movie:  "Everybody's gone kung fu farting!" (followed by giggles)  

One-year-old son:  We've been doing early language lessons with him since he was only saying a handful of words at eighteen months.  The real reason why I've been doing this is not because I'm worried about his development, but because I knew he would think it was fun and I feel like he's been ignored too often since I have my hands so full with all of these children.  As an update (just for me, so I can remember), when we started doing this, he was only using these words: out, uh-oh, whee, Ma, go, tada, and hi.

After a spelling race of the word "Mississippi" with her sister, my eight-year-old told me it could also be spelled MRS. SIPPI, which I thought was very clever!

My five-year-old was eating an artichoke with me one day and when she peeled her way almost down to the heart, she held it up and excitedly said, "It looks like a squirrel nut!"  She meant acorn, but I don't think I'll ever see an acorn again without remembering her cute little voice saying this.

One day as we walked to meet his sister at the bus stop I asked my four-year-old if he could walk any faster.  So he started to run and I said, "That's much better," and then he said, "This is called running, Mom."

A couple of weeks ago, my baby started saying one or two new words every day.  These are a few that I can remember, but there are so many now, I can't keep track anymore:  sidewalk, wheeze (please), wink (drink), daddy (with silent d's in the middle), potty (with silent t's in the middle), shoes, no, I got it, cheese, and he even says his biggest sister's name.  He also makes this enthusiastic MMMM! sound when he's eating something he likes and it's so cute I get all giddy.

So, that is all for now, although I should start a new edition of posts called "Quoting the Brain-Cell Deficient Mom."

Lest I Forget

The other day I looked across the kitchen at my one-year-old and tried to take a mental picture.  I don't want to forget that moment, the way his cherubic head only stood a few inches above the table top, even though he was strapped into a booster chair.  His eyes were only half open because it was nap time and he had blackberry smoothie all over his face.

Motherhood has been a little overwhelming lately.  Probably because of all of the poop.  I know when I started this blog I said that I was not going to talk about poop, so I apologize if I caught you off guard.  Some days I just have to say to myself, "It will be okay.  This kid will be able to wipe without your help someday, and someday that kid will stop having accidents, and this baby will not be in diapers forever..."

Other days I'd give anything to freeze time, like the first time my first baby called from her crib, "MoOooommeeeee!  I wakin' up."  I heard it loud and clear over the baby monitor, even from my coma (the kind resulting from sleep deprivation).

Or the time my second baby, hardly a hair on her head, purposely made funny faces that had her paternal great-grandmother laughing so hard there were tears rolling down her face.  That baby gave quite a few people the joyful medicine only a good deep-gutted laugh can give.

Then there was the way my third baby used to always smile with his eyes closed and his hands reaching out front in a grabbing motion, like he was trying to tickle me from a distance.  I couldn't plant enough kisses on  his round chipmunk-like cheeks.  The dimple in the left side is like the chocolate syrup, toffee bits, and the cherry on top.

So I savor the sweet moments and endure the poopy ones, reminding myself daily how these bits of Heaven are my greatest treasures.

Some moments are perfect, and even though they are tiny in the eternal timeline, they are still big enough to hold all my love...






It turns out as I was writing this, my baby found a jar of jam on the table and began eating it in true Winnie-the-Pooh-with-a-honey-pot fashion.  I couldn't decide if I should grab a rag or the camera.  Then thinking of how much my mom would love a picture of my son loving on her jam, the camera won the debate.  The only problem is, it wouldn't wake up and take a picture, even with new batteries.  So I tried to use the still shot on my video camera, but they always turn out blurry.

See?

And then I realized this sums up my post perfectly.  Motherhood is sticky, sweet, broken, beautiful, and MESSY.

And I really do love it.

Quoting the Cute: Page Seventeen

My third-grader asked her dad to write her a math problem.  He's good at that:  he does it for a living!  He wrote an addition problem (something like "2754 + 3532 = ") and handed her the pencil to work the problem.  The first thing she did was add commas after the first digit in both numbers.  I had to chuckle because he is always the one to remember the details, especially in math.  The fact that she was correcting him was highly entertaining to me!

Four-year-old:  "Can I have a samwinch?"  (She starts kindergarten this year, so I guess it's time to teach her the proper way to say this word.  Sad face.)

One day as I was getting my three-year-old son out of the tub I said, "We need to hurry. Do you want to go to church naked?" His face lit up as he said in an excited voice, "YEAH!" and took off running.  (Silly mom. I should have known better than to ask him that!)

On my baby's first birthday he said his first words:  "Uh-oh."

Eight-year-old, with her nose in a book:  "I'm doing my chores, Mom!"  (When she was in first grade, we made her a chore chart.  Reading twenty minutes a day was on the list.  It still is, but she will read for hours if she can, so sometimes she has a hard time pulling herself away to get her other chores done.)

*...Just got back from a daydream where I did nothing but read a book all day.  My husband came home from work and the house was in shambles and the oven was cold, but when I told him I read a whole book he praised me for a job well done.*

I wish there was some way I could describe to you the way my four-year-old says "chicken."  I've been wanting to buy a digital recorder for these sorts of things, but have you seen how much those things cost?  For ten years I've been waiting for the price to go down, but it won't!

Sooooo, I tried to use my video camera to catch my daughter's "chicken," and then spent three hours trying to figure out how to get it here:

(Yes, I know the lens cap was closed.  Yes, I know I need to take a technology class or something.)

Three-year-old:  "Your butt is pretty, Mom."

My one-year-old has now added "moo, ow, and quack" to his repertoire.  Are you wondering if we live on a farm?

Have you caught a chicken today?

Quoting the Cute: Page Sixteen

"Ew!" (what my seven-year-old says when she sees her parents kissing).

I asked my four-year-old if she knew how to eat a cherry and she said, "Yup, you just pull out the pin and spit out the beads!"

My two-year-old loves to point to his baby brother and tell people who he is:  "Mine brudder!"  (No, we don't speak German at home.  Just English and Finnish.)

Seven-year-old:  "Today is the worst day of my life."  I have heard this more than once.

Four-year-old:  "Can I have gum?"  It seems like she asks this all the time!

Two-year-old:  He pronounces "cookie" like "hooky" and when he sings the Cookie Monster song, I laugh every time, especially at the last part...or when he says, "Hooky Monster likes hookies."

My friend gave my seven-year-old a cute a-line haircut and styled it for her (it had a nice round shape to it).  Instead of saying thank you when she saw it in the mirror, she said, "I look like an extra-terrestrial."

My four-year-old always says, "axe" instead of "ask."  I'm not ready to correct her mispronunciations because I'm not ready for her to grow up!

Two-year-old:  Every morning he says "Go-morninga, Mom."  During the day it's, "You funny, Mom," and at night it's always, "Go-nighta, Mom."

Nine-month-old:  This kid loves to sit and babble to himself.  He must have interesting stuff to say because he can entertain himself for hours!

Quoting the Cute: Page Fifteen

Seven-year-old:  "Dad's never going to pay me for picking dandelions because you keep taking all of his money!"

One day my four-year-old told me she wanted snowflakes for breakfast.  It took me a moment to figure out that frosted flakes was what she wanted.

And my two-year-old son calls Rice Krispies "hippies."

My seven-year-old loves to tell jokes.  The part that always makes me laugh though is when she asks if we get it and we always say yes but then she explains the punchline anyway.

Four-year-old:  "I amn't!"  (Her big sister used to say this too when she was four!)

My kids (except the baby) went to stay with our friends overnight and for a day while we took a day trip for a job interview.  When we picked them up, my two-year-old was suddenly speaking in sentences.  I asked my friend if they gave him speech therapy while we were gone.

Sometimes it sounds like my seven-month-old baby is saying "Mama" and when he does I can't keep from kissing his soft little face.

Need Dirt for a Grave?

Have you ever read signs on the side of the road out of the corner of your eye without realizing it?  And sometimes they don't really say what you thought they did but they catch your attention with their absurdity?  Recently I thought a sign said "Need Dirt for a Grave?" but it really said:

Need Dirt

or

Gravel?

This was so funny to me it made my entire day.

For the last week I have felt like I do need some of that dirt because I have been very ill with some kind of stomach bug.  My four-year-old daughter had it too so we got to be miserable together.  Trying to take care of her, myself, a two-year-old, and a baby who just learned to crawl has really helped me to appreciate healthy days.

Oh, and by the way, in this case misery does not love company.

I have been flat in bed or on the couch (as much as possible) while the battle between good and evil has raged inside my body.  There were moments I feared all was lost, but good won again and we are finally upright. 

No dirt needed, thank goodness!

Quoting the Cute: Page Fourteen

My seven-year-old likes to write her own little songs and poems and for her sister's fourth birthday, she wrote this:

Me and you together make me feel better
Me and you helps me when I'm blue
And your smile too!
In my hart you will always be with me
It's like the world is a hart wher I love you.
Happy Birthday.

Four-year-old:  "Silly old me!"

Two-year-old:  "Wut up, doc?"  He's been watching old Looney Tunes on VHS.  He also tries to do the "get ready to take-off" thing.  Do you know the one I mean?  If you don't, you can see one here:  Wile E. Coyote does it just after the opening credits (0:43).

Seven-year-old:  "Please may you pass me the salt/water/ketchup/whatever?"

Four-year-old:  "I don't want to go outside because there are too many bugs out there!  I want to wait for [Big Sister] so she can squish them for me."

Two-year-old:  "Taaaa!"  (Which is his own version of "ta-da!")

The six-month-old baby is already almost as loud as his daddy.  Usually he's loud when he's mad, but sometimes it's just when he wants to be heard (which applies to both Baby and Dad, actually).

Quoting the Cute: Game Page

Today I have a game for you.  If you can correctly translate the following words or phrases used by my young talkers (ages two and four), you can earn up to 1000 points!  What happens if you win 1000 points you ask?  Well, I don't know for sure, but you will have bragging rights which might make you feel happy inside for a minute.

• 10 points:  "bastick" (rhymes with plastic)
• 20 points:  "pawmus dam-uhs"
• 10 points:  "grand crappers"
• 60 points:  "e-buys"
• 400 points:  "dickwick" (you'll never get this one)
• 500 points:  "waaaah! he awna (sniffle) waaaaah abba gaw no no waaaah I uh gogimmeeeeeeeeeeee (breath hold) no no waaah I now ah uh now (wheeze) on he waaaah!"  

 Actually, I can't give you that last one because I can't understand any of it myself. Good luck!

Post Edit
Cindy is the winner!  And now for the answers:  bastick=basket, pawmus dam-uhs=Thomas (pa)jamas, grand crappers=graham crackers, e-buys=needs batteries, dickwick=bouquet, and I can't ever understand cry talk, can you?

Judge Not (Part Two)

(continued from here)

Example 2:  My girls never wore a diaper bigger than size four.  Often during those years while shopping for diapers and seeing the size sixes I'd think to myself how big that was and how anyone who had a child that size still in diapers needed to stop being lazy and get the kid potty trained.

Fast forward to the arrival of my first boy, born at nine pounds and three ounces, who was wearing size six diapers long before he turned two.  And now he has a baby brother who was ten pounds four ounces at birth and at five months was wearing nine to twelve month sizes.

I actually think size sixes are getting too small for my two-year-old, but I don't see any sizes bigger than that at the store.  I'm wondering if I might have to put my boys in Depends before we're through with all of this!  Whenever I ponder the diaper dilemma I wonder if this is our fate because I once had those thoughts about other people having kids in size six.  Maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson?

Example 3:  Before I had kids, I always said I wasn't going to allow my kids (if I ever had any) to eat in the car.  The other day my daughter had an accident in her seat.  First I removed the seat from the car to reveal numerous crumbs that had gathered underneath it over the months since I last vacuumed out the car.  Then I took the cover off the seat to wash it and found in the caves and crevices of the plastic shell: half-eaten mini peanut butter cups, a petrified curly fry, little chunks of dried bread, and sticky stuff that was unrecognizable.  I winced a little, remembering my sparkly life plan and how off course I am from where I had imagined.

Example 4:  I think I actually gave housekeeping tips to a young mother when I was fourteen.  She must have though to herself, "Who does this girl think she is?"  (As it turns out, not who I had thought at all!)  And to bring it all full circle, I recently have sought the advice of that same young mother (whose children are now grown), hoping I could find out how to get on top of my mess because I'm so tired of being ON TOP of my mess...or lost in it.

Obviously, I would not change the first two examples.  I love my big boy just the way he is and I am realistic enough to know that sometimes eating in the car has to happen unless we want the children to starve or the parents to go over the edge because of all the whining.  (I have learned that if a child's mouth is eating, it whines less.)

The last example (of keeping the house clean) I would change if I could.  Every day I work on that one.  But the judging part I regret every time.  Jesus loves me and knew I would not be happy if I judge others.  That's why He warned me not to do it.

This month I listened to a talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled "The Merciful Obtain Mercy."  The entire talk is worth reading over and over, but this was my favorite part:

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

 Amen and amen.

I hope when I stand before my Maker to be judged I will be found merciful because I already know I'm going to need so much of that mercy...

A whole heaping load of it.

Quoting the Cute: Page Thirteen

Seven-year-old:  "Sometimes I just want to run away and never come back!"  Is this something all children feel, or is it an oldest child thing (I remember feeling the same way), or am I really just a BAD MOTHER?

Three-year-old:  "Can I swipe the floor?"

Two-year-old:  For the first few days after he became a brother, he regarded the baby with complete indifference.  He pretended like there was no baby.  If he crawled onto my lap while I was holding the baby, he wouldn't touch him or even look at him.  Then one morning I was sitting on the floor trying to burp the baby.  Quickly and softly my son patted the baby twice and ran off.  A few days after that he said to me out of nowhere, "I wan hold it," pointing at the baby.  I put the baby on his lap and he gently cupped his hand on the baby's head.  It wasn't long before he was kissing the baby's head instead.  For five months now, every day he asks again to hold "it," and I have watched that baby double in size on his little lap.

Seven-year-old:  "Waaaa."  You might be able to imagine how this pretend cry makes us cringe.

Three-year-old:  "Why did you trade your hair?"  (She meant "braid.")

Two-year-old:  "He toot."  He says this several times a day about his baby brother.  It doesn't mean what you might think.

 Baby Brother:  HAPPY SQUEAL!

Judge Not (Part One)

I was born of a woman who is good at not judging people.  I can not think of a time when I heard her say something unkind about someone else.  I, on the other hand, have heard the bible verse that says "judge not that ye be not judged" echo in my mind many times over the years when I have let my pride talk out loud in my head.

Lately I have come to realize that the words of that scripture may have a double meaning I didn't think of before.  I always understood it to mean that if I judge others (righteous judgement excluded), I will be in the wrong and will have to stand before God with the fault of judging others on my head.

I still believe this to be true.

However, I am also starting to wonder if sometimes I am plagued with the very thing I once looked down on someone about...just so I could learn a lesson by being guilty of the same mistake...and then be judged of others in the same way I had once judged.

Here is just one example:

As a young infertile wife who longed for motherhood intensely, I often looked at mothers and saw crimes I was sure I would never commit if I only had the opportunity to be a mom myself.  I remember questioning a group of mothers in an internet chat room about soggy diapers on babies.  I had it in my mind that disposable diapers should always be changed immediately, even if they were just a little wet.

Skip forward twelve years.

Picture a Christmas tree and a stuffed ride-able reindeer in the front room.  Hear Big Sister say excitedly, "Mom, MOM!  There is snow in the house!"

I walked in to see glistening white fluff all over the floor under the reindeer and a confused husband poking it...looking like he was wondering why it was wet but not cold and WHERE ON EARTH IT CAME FROM since the ceiling was intact (it turned out that he actually thought it was stuffing from the reindeer and he was just confused about it being wet).  As soon as I saw it, I knew what it was.  In my concentration on the Christmas baking I had forgotten to change my reindeer-riding son's wet diaper, so it had broken open and emptied EVERYWHERE.

We all had a good laugh.  I shook my head and smiled...hoping the mothers in that chat room had forgiven my greater-than-thou voice all of those years ago.

And I also find it ironic that the "snow" wasn't yellow...

I just now became overwhelmed thinking of all the other examples I could give on this subject.  I will have to share them another day because I need to go clean ink from my walls and piano keys...something I was so sure I would be able to prevent when I was a mother.

You can go ahead and judge me now.  I deserve it!

You Might Be Living on a Teacher's Salary If:

1.  Mom would rather go to a yard sale than the mall.

2.  Dad brings home his paper sack from his lunch so it can be used again.

3.  Mom and Dad only go on a date once or twice a year because paying a babysitter to watch four kids costs more than a meal out.

4.  Almost all of the children's clothing are hand-me-downs (Mom loves hand-me-downs, by the way).

5.   Half of Mom's shirts are more than fifteen years old.

6.  Mom decorates all of the children's birthday cakes herself, even though they sometimes turn out like this:

7.  After the birthday child blows out the candles, removes them and licks off the frosting, Mom washes them off and saves them to be used again.

The Baby Hungry Years

Years ago, a sweet little white-haired woman was admiring my baby in the hallway at church.  She said, "Oh, I've never gotten over having to stop having babies.  I loved that time."

Her words have haunted me.  She must have been almost eighty.  Forty years is a long time to be baby hungry.

Let me just interrupt myself here to say I wish there was a better term: I do think babies are delicious, but I would never actually eat one.

Anyway, I have already lived seven years of my life STARVING for a baby.  Those times were hard.  And though I think those years turned out to be good for me, I don't necessarily want to live them over again.

Because I lack the ability to see the future, I can't say for certain if this is our last baby, but I'm pretty sure he is.  I have treasured each of my children, but knowing this baby may be my last, I try to pause as often as I can to hold on to these little baby moments that go by so quickly.

These paused moments are like photographs in my heart and I love them.

I know an empty-nester who doesn't even enjoy looking at pictures or old movies of her children when they were little because it makes her sad.  It makes her long for those times again.

That haunts me too.

Everyday, there is a lecture going on in my head.  It sounds something like this:  "Love the phase you're in.  Enjoy this time so you don't regret wasting it.  And when this time is over, it will be okay because then you won't have to endure _________ anymore."  (Insert whatever is hard about the current phase.)

Tell me if you know, is it possible to talk myself out of being sad when this time is over?

To-Do List

Yesterday I made myself a to-do list hoping it would motivate me to get some things done in this disaster zone.

This is the list:

• Water plants
• Do dishes
• Vacuum
• Finish thank-you notes
• Make Chinese

This is what I actually did:

• Watched an episode of "America's Funniest Home Videos" with my three little kids
• Watched another episode just so I could listen to my two-year-old laugh some more
• Sewed an ear on a bunny rabbit
• Sewed a tail on a kitty cat
• Watered the plants
• Did half the dishes
• Vacuumed half the house
• Let my husband make hot dogs while I fed the baby

 So as a grade, did I earn about a 75%?

I'm okay with that.


Post-edit:  I realized later today that I killed the math in this post!  I only did half the dishes & vacuuming, & I didn't make Chinese, so I should only get a score of 40%...which explains why I was so content with the 75.  Can I get extra credit for doing laundry?