Ha! Ha! Halloween

Why was there no food left after the monsters' party?
Because everyone was a goblin.

Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have any guts.

Why do children yell "trick or treat" on Halloween?
Because it's too early to say "Merry Christmas."

Dear Diary, I'm Sorry I Never Write in You Anymore

I used to write things like that in my diaries when I was a kid.  I think it's funny since the diary doesn't have feelings, but you, kind readers, do--so if anyone missed me terribly I do apologize.

In the gap of posts my life has been filled with a lot of home improvement projects, including me trying to figure out how to not be a slob.  I haven't had any success with that one.  But, hopefully I will have many before and after pictures to show you soon.  I have thirteen cans of paint I keep moving around the house and it is getting old.

See you soon?

I'm Wilting, WILTING!

The other day I was bored (why on earth I had time to be bored I have no idea), so I read through some of my old posts and came across a picture of my plants during much happier days.  I thought it was so funny, I gathered them up for an updated family picture so you could see how they have changed...

2010

2013

Maybe they would be doing better if I could remember to water them more than once a year?

Invasion

It has happened again.  Another battle lost, in spite of all of the reinforcements I sent down the hatch (Vitamin C, Zinc, Vitamin D3, and Ibuprofen).  There was nothing I could do.  They came out of no where: invisible invaders.

My soldiers are cold and shivering and no amount of blankets and hot water bottles can warm them.  They are hurt and suffering, just waiting for the light of day (when the walk-in clinic opens).

Strep throat.  I'll bet you a hundred bucks.

"Never, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever, Ever, Give Up. Never Give Up. Never Give Up. Never Give Up."

Maybe you have asked yourself whatever happened to that Amelia girl.  Probably not, but that's okay.  Life these days has had a way of ripping all of my plans out of my hands and stomping them into the mud after shredding them into little tiny bits.

BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.

Like, remember how I tried to paint the boys' room?  It was so close once.  My best friend forever came and helped me paint it and it was beautiful for one day.  Then my two-year-old (who is now three) discovered something that shocked and horrified and confused me all at once.

So we've been peeling and sanding and picking for months now and I fear it will never be ready to be repainted.

BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.

And I finally did try the couch to 5K thing.  On the first day of training I was only five feet from the end of my sprint when I landed on a rock the size of my baby's fist and almost fell down.  That evening I was sure my left foot was broken because I couldn't walk on it.  I spent the next morning crutching around the hospital, but it all turned out because it's not broken.  I get to wear this for another day or so and I won't be running for awhile.

BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.  I'll start over with day one as soon as my foot has healed.  And next time I will run when it is light outside.  What was I thinking?  There are murderers and rapists and ROCKS out there.  Running alone in the dark is just not a good idea.

We got a tree the day after Thanksgiving and the day after that it was set up in the front room. I planned for us to have it all decorated the day after that, but after two weeks, it still looks like this:

BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE UP.

This tree is getting decorated today if I have to do it myself.

When We're Helping, We're Happy

My Relief Society made jars full of service ideas and gave them to the women in our ward.  I haven't used it yet, but if I have a hard time thinking of a special service to do on Wednesdays, I plan to draw a paper from the jar and do it if I can!

So here they are.  The idea is to randomly choose one "service mission" for each week:

• Visit the elderly.
• Help a friend with housework.
• Smile at everyone you see this week.
• With your family or friends visit a nursing home.
• Do a secret act of service for every member of your family.
• Take cookies to a neighbor or a friend this week.
• Help an elderly widow with her shopping.
• Send a letter to a missionary.
• Show more patience with others this week.
• Mail an "I'm thinking of you" card to someone.
• Do something for your community this week.
• Bake something for someone.
• Secretly help someone with money or food.
• Only say nice things about others this week.
• Do something for a single parent in your neighborhood.
• Invite someone to your home for dinner.
• Invite a friend or neighbor to church.
• Take a rose to a woman who is struggling.
• Help tidy the chapel as you leave this week.
• Have a more positive attitude this week.
• Take a neighbor's can to the street on garbage day.
• Make dinner for a family in need.
• Volunteer at a local school this week.
• Read to a child.
• Get to know someone new in the neighborhood.
• Pray for someone.
• Show more love and compassion this week.
• Collect items for humanitarian aid.
• This week listen more and talk less.
• Give a mom (or a dad!) a break and babysit free of charge.
• Help a neighbor with yard work.
• Show more gratitude to others this week.
• Donate to your local library.
• Send a thank you card to someone.

There were some things in the jar that I didn't keep because they are things I feel I should already be doing everyday, things like opening doors for people, saying hello, and not gossiping.  However I am going to write this one for the world to put in their jar:  PUT YOUR SHOPPING CART AWAY.

There were also a few I left out because I do them when I can, like walking instead of driving places and donating to charities.  Also there are some in my jar that are specific to my church that I am trying to do (visiting teaching, sharing the Gospel, things like that).

There are 34 things on the list above.  I think it would be fun to think of 18 more and get it up to 52 for a year's worth.  Any ideas?

Here's what I've got:

• Give as many compliments as you can this week.
• Forgive someone or ask forgiveness of someone.
• Donate to a food bank.

I'll bet you have fifteen more in your little pinky, Cindy!  If so, please share.

Now I'm off to make lemon cakes because what could be nicer than that?

Need Dirt for a Grave?

Have you ever read signs on the side of the road out of the corner of your eye without realizing it?  And sometimes they don't really say what you thought they did but they catch your attention with their absurdity?  Recently I thought a sign said "Need Dirt for a Grave?" but it really said:

Need Dirt

or

Gravel?

This was so funny to me it made my entire day.

For the last week I have felt like I do need some of that dirt because I have been very ill with some kind of stomach bug.  My four-year-old daughter had it too so we got to be miserable together.  Trying to take care of her, myself, a two-year-old, and a baby who just learned to crawl has really helped me to appreciate healthy days.

Oh, and by the way, in this case misery does not love company.

I have been flat in bed or on the couch (as much as possible) while the battle between good and evil has raged inside my body.  There were moments I feared all was lost, but good won again and we are finally upright. 

No dirt needed, thank goodness!

An Attempt To Be Deep (Like the Ocean)

It occurred to me today how life in this desert house could actually be compared to living on the shore of the sea.

In my imagination I look out my window and the view of the ocean looks calm and peaceful today.  But some days I look at the world and from where I stand the water looks angry and frightening.  On those days I want to keep my family inside and protect them from the cold harsh realities that I can see rising too close to us.

Time flows like that imaginary river outside, the one that runs to the sea.  Sometimes higher up the river may freeze completely, but then it will thaw and flow again.  Even frozen moments in time cannot stop time from moving on.

I've never been sailing, so I wonder if sailing out to sea with my family would be anything like the trips we have taken away from home in the past.  Most of our travels have been short excursions to see family.  We always return home with replenished joy.  But I can't forget the journeys that took us so far from home we could no longer see the "shoreline," which I think of as a finish line we cross when we pass the sign that says "Welcome to _______" (the place I call home).  I think of how out there on the water, with no familiar landmarks (without landmarks at all), it could be so easy to become lost.  The worst thing that could happen would be to never find our way back home.  Luckily that never was a worry on our trips, for we were never without people to tell us where we were or where to go, but it is good to remember how lost we would be if we could not go home again.  Once or twice our journeys were too long and if no one had been watching, I would have kissed the dirt when I finally returned with sea legs to stand on my own ground again.  Not that I know what it is like to have sea legs, but I have known what it is like to rollerskate for so long that walking afterward felt heavy instead of flowing.  Is that what sea legs feels like?

Even the inside of my home reminds me of the sea.  Sometimes while my family sleeps I hear the sounds as they breath in and out, a pattern like the sound of waves pushing forward and pulling back on the shoreline.  Just as the tides rise and fall again, so many things follow the ebb and flow pattern day after day after day.  Children, clothes, and dishes are dirty, then clean, dirty, then clean.  My husband's shirts are ironed, then wrinkled.  The lawn is mowed, then tall, watered, then thirsty.  Sometimes we are shouting and sometimes we are kissing.  Sometimes our own spring tide rises so high we have to stay on high ground to avoid being engulfed.  Sometime hurricanes of heartache blow in floods and break the windows with their power.  And there have been sunsets so bright and beautiful they have changed the colors inside, but never for very long.

Home is the best place.  It is calming to know that all things follow a pattern and I find inexplicable joy when in it instead of the mundane I see the beauty.

Judge Not (Part Two)

(continued from here)

Example 2:  My girls never wore a diaper bigger than size four.  Often during those years while shopping for diapers and seeing the size sixes I'd think to myself how big that was and how anyone who had a child that size still in diapers needed to stop being lazy and get the kid potty trained.

Fast forward to the arrival of my first boy, born at nine pounds and three ounces, who was wearing size six diapers long before he turned two.  And now he has a baby brother who was ten pounds four ounces at birth and at five months was wearing nine to twelve month sizes.

I actually think size sixes are getting too small for my two-year-old, but I don't see any sizes bigger than that at the store.  I'm wondering if I might have to put my boys in Depends before we're through with all of this!  Whenever I ponder the diaper dilemma I wonder if this is our fate because I once had those thoughts about other people having kids in size six.  Maybe God is trying to teach me a lesson?

Example 3:  Before I had kids, I always said I wasn't going to allow my kids (if I ever had any) to eat in the car.  The other day my daughter had an accident in her seat.  First I removed the seat from the car to reveal numerous crumbs that had gathered underneath it over the months since I last vacuumed out the car.  Then I took the cover off the seat to wash it and found in the caves and crevices of the plastic shell: half-eaten mini peanut butter cups, a petrified curly fry, little chunks of dried bread, and sticky stuff that was unrecognizable.  I winced a little, remembering my sparkly life plan and how off course I am from where I had imagined.

Example 4:  I think I actually gave housekeeping tips to a young mother when I was fourteen.  She must have though to herself, "Who does this girl think she is?"  (As it turns out, not who I had thought at all!)  And to bring it all full circle, I recently have sought the advice of that same young mother (whose children are now grown), hoping I could find out how to get on top of my mess because I'm so tired of being ON TOP of my mess...or lost in it.

Obviously, I would not change the first two examples.  I love my big boy just the way he is and I am realistic enough to know that sometimes eating in the car has to happen unless we want the children to starve or the parents to go over the edge because of all the whining.  (I have learned that if a child's mouth is eating, it whines less.)

The last example (of keeping the house clean) I would change if I could.  Every day I work on that one.  But the judging part I regret every time.  Jesus loves me and knew I would not be happy if I judge others.  That's why He warned me not to do it.

This month I listened to a talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf titled "The Merciful Obtain Mercy."  The entire talk is worth reading over and over, but this was my favorite part:

This topic of judging others could actually be taught in a two-word sermon. When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following:

Stop it!

It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters. I don’t know exactly how to articulate this point of not judging others with sufficient eloquence, passion, and persuasion to make it stick. I can quote scripture, I can try to expound doctrine, and I will even quote a bumper sticker I recently saw. It was attached to the back of a car whose driver appeared to be a little rough around the edges, but the words on the sticker taught an insightful lesson. It read, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”

 Amen and amen.

I hope when I stand before my Maker to be judged I will be found merciful because I already know I'm going to need so much of that mercy...

A whole heaping load of it.

Some Things Never Change

I recently read my school journal from the third grade.  Some of it made me smile and some of it made me teary.  It was remarkable the amount of truths there were about me, even all the way from 1986:

"I like it when it's cold...I like to wash my hands when I get in.  It feels good."
"I like to play all the time."
"I love you, Journal."

This was supposed to be a thanksgiving turkey on a table.  Fact (still true today):  I cannot draw.

This sentence was my favorite:  "I do talk a lot.  I should learn to keep my FAT MOUTH SHUT."

And that seems like a good place to stop.



 P.S.  I love you, Blog!

Judge Not (Part One)

I was born of a woman who is good at not judging people.  I can not think of a time when I heard her say something unkind about someone else.  I, on the other hand, have heard the bible verse that says "judge not that ye be not judged" echo in my mind many times over the years when I have let my pride talk out loud in my head.

Lately I have come to realize that the words of that scripture may have a double meaning I didn't think of before.  I always understood it to mean that if I judge others (righteous judgement excluded), I will be in the wrong and will have to stand before God with the fault of judging others on my head.

I still believe this to be true.

However, I am also starting to wonder if sometimes I am plagued with the very thing I once looked down on someone about...just so I could learn a lesson by being guilty of the same mistake...and then be judged of others in the same way I had once judged.

Here is just one example:

As a young infertile wife who longed for motherhood intensely, I often looked at mothers and saw crimes I was sure I would never commit if I only had the opportunity to be a mom myself.  I remember questioning a group of mothers in an internet chat room about soggy diapers on babies.  I had it in my mind that disposable diapers should always be changed immediately, even if they were just a little wet.

Skip forward twelve years.

Picture a Christmas tree and a stuffed ride-able reindeer in the front room.  Hear Big Sister say excitedly, "Mom, MOM!  There is snow in the house!"

I walked in to see glistening white fluff all over the floor under the reindeer and a confused husband poking it...looking like he was wondering why it was wet but not cold and WHERE ON EARTH IT CAME FROM since the ceiling was intact (it turned out that he actually thought it was stuffing from the reindeer and he was just confused about it being wet).  As soon as I saw it, I knew what it was.  In my concentration on the Christmas baking I had forgotten to change my reindeer-riding son's wet diaper, so it had broken open and emptied EVERYWHERE.

We all had a good laugh.  I shook my head and smiled...hoping the mothers in that chat room had forgiven my greater-than-thou voice all of those years ago.

And I also find it ironic that the "snow" wasn't yellow...

I just now became overwhelmed thinking of all the other examples I could give on this subject.  I will have to share them another day because I need to go clean ink from my walls and piano keys...something I was so sure I would be able to prevent when I was a mother.

You can go ahead and judge me now.  I deserve it!

You Might Be Living on a Teacher's Salary If:

1.  Mom would rather go to a yard sale than the mall.

2.  Dad brings home his paper sack from his lunch so it can be used again.

3.  Mom and Dad only go on a date once or twice a year because paying a babysitter to watch four kids costs more than a meal out.

4.  Almost all of the children's clothing are hand-me-downs (Mom loves hand-me-downs, by the way).

5.   Half of Mom's shirts are more than fifteen years old.

6.  Mom decorates all of the children's birthday cakes herself, even though they sometimes turn out like this:

7.  After the birthday child blows out the candles, removes them and licks off the frosting, Mom washes them off and saves them to be used again.

To-Do List

Yesterday I made myself a to-do list hoping it would motivate me to get some things done in this disaster zone.

This is the list:

• Water plants
• Do dishes
• Vacuum
• Finish thank-you notes
• Make Chinese

This is what I actually did:

• Watched an episode of "America's Funniest Home Videos" with my three little kids
• Watched another episode just so I could listen to my two-year-old laugh some more
• Sewed an ear on a bunny rabbit
• Sewed a tail on a kitty cat
• Watered the plants
• Did half the dishes
• Vacuumed half the house
• Let my husband make hot dogs while I fed the baby

 So as a grade, did I earn about a 75%?

I'm okay with that.


Post-edit:  I realized later today that I killed the math in this post!  I only did half the dishes & vacuuming, & I didn't make Chinese, so I should only get a score of 40%...which explains why I was so content with the 75.  Can I get extra credit for doing laundry?

If Only There Was a Delete Button for My Mouth

I have always wished to be more prudent with my words, mostly because I am not very smart and often what I say completely gives that away.

Once in awhile, I wish I had kept my mouth shut because I realize my words were hurtful to someone.  I regret those times most of all.

I like to think that I am a thoughtful and caring person, but if I was, why would I say this to my grandfather with terminal cancer:  "Wow, it's so hot in here.  Aren't you dying?"  He just looked at me.  Then, not knowing what I could say to fix my mistake, I chuckled nervously and left the room.

Can you believe that?  I chuckled.  Why do I do that?  I called Dr. Laura once and she didn't even want to listen to me because my nervous laugh kept punctuating my words.  I must have sounded so stupid on the radio!

Oh well.  At least I wasn't on TV.

One time I talked to a neighbor on the phone.  This is how the conversation went:

Me:  "Hello.  I'm sorry I didn't come visiting teaching last month.  I stopped by with some cookies but you weren't home so I put them in your garage.  If you didn't find them, they must be stale by now so you'll have to give them to your dogs."

Her:  "We don't have any dogs."

Me:  "You don't?"  (Thinking to myself, "I was sure they had dogs...")

Her:  "Actually, we ate them."

Me:  "You ate your DOGS?!?!!

There was a moment of silence while it came to me: she meant they ate the cookies, not the dogs.  Then I started to laugh uncontrollably while she sat quietly on the other end.  She didn't find it funny at all.

Just this weekend as we finished our meal at a restaurant with some visiting family the waitress started talking to me.  I assumed she was going to ask me if the meal ticket was together or separate, so I answered her before I realized what she actually did ask.  So this was how it sounded:

Waitress:  "I need the ages of your children for the check."

Me:  "You'll have to ask him about that (indicating my husband)."

You know, because I'm the kind of mom who has no idea how old her children are.

My baby is good at putting his foot in his mouth too, but it's so much cuter when he does it.

Improving Home: The Girls' Room, Final Before and After

I forgot to show you one of my favorite things in the girls' room.  My seven-year-old daughter's best friend gave this to her for her birthday last year:

If you don't know what it is, it's a picture of a temple, where we as Latter-Day Saints aspire to be married.
 

And this is another piece of artwork that my daughter finger-painted in kindergarten.  I think the art teacher at my daughter's school is amazing.




If you've been around this blog long enough to see the "before" picture, you'll know that it was posted a very long time ago.  Here it is one last time:

Before

After

And now I say GOOD NIGHT to the girls' room!

Glow-in-the-dark stars

Improving Home: The Girls' Room, Corner Four

I thought this day would never come.

The girls' room is crossed off my list so I can begin the boys' room. Would you like to see what we put on the walls?

The cross-stitch was done by little young me when I was ten or eleven. I nailed it up there with straight pins. My seven-year-old daughter painted the rainbow (but I think she was six when she did it) with a little artistic advice from my sister and me. Originally I was going to paint a rainbow, but I have very little talent for painting. It was my best friend's idea to have my daughter do it.

Best. Idea. Ever.

I can't remember if I told you the story about finding flower posters that match the wallpaper trim on AllPosters.com. Oh yes...I did. Here. Anyway, the frame on the left carries a few more of the flowers painted by Anthony Morrow. The butterfly on the right was painted by my oldest daughter when she was in kindergarten.

My daughter would not let me get rid of the huge kitty poster, so I cut them out individually to make a collage above her bed, which I like much better.

Okay, now for what we put on the beds:

I'm sorry, but this is my favorite stuffed animal/bug. I don't know which makes me happier, his face or all those feet!

These bears look like a big sister and a little sister who love each other, don't they?









I bought two black travel pillows like this at a yard sale for a buck a piece.

Then I took the leftover material from the dress I stole the valance bow from and hand-sewed it onto the front of one.

For the other one, I sewed on a couple of old iron-on flowers I've had in my craft box for ten years and some rick-rack I've had for almost as long.




I have never claimed to be good with a camera.

And lastly, the under-the-bed part was bothering me because it looked like this:

So I did this:

I know it's wrinkled, but it still looks better than the pajama crates (that's what we call them). Hemming all of those strips of material (left over from the bed skirt material I used to make the valance) and then tacking them to the bottom of the bed was a lot more work than you might think, but I'm glad I did it.

And I'm glad it's done.



The tally? I don't remember the exact prices of everything, but I'll give you close estimates:

The blanket and stuffed animals were gifts.
$10 art posters
$2 for 2 foam poster boards from Dollar Tree (just so you know, this curled when we painted it)
$4 paints
$200 bunk beds
$100 mattress (the other one is the mattress my husband slept on when he was a kid!)
$1 frame from a yard sale (spray-painted black)
$2 travel pillows
$36 for two bedspreads on clearance at K-mart
$1 yellow afghan from D.I. (second-hand store)
$40 for ten plastic crates from Family Dollar
$500 to replace the stinky carpet with vinyl...but now I can't remember if that was for both rooms or just one. I'll get back to you.

Add that to the $187 from the rest of the room and you get $1,083. I don't think I added the cost of paint anywhere, so I'll say the room cost about eleven hundred dollars. I'm looking forward to seeing if I can spend much less in the boys' room!

Smooth Sale-ing

My scrambled-egg morning brain didn't even know what day it was.

Expecting my fourth (and probably last) baby, I was searching Craigslist for deals on baby items that I didn't have because they had either been worn out by my first three kidlets or had never made it into our household. I had a list. After about an hour of looking for an affordable baby swing, the kind that also swings in the direction of a cradle, I gave up on ever finding one at a price that I was willing to pay (which was $20).

And then I realized that it was FRIDAY.

Friday in the summertime means YARD SALES!!!

In my excitement, I showered myself and dressed my children and got us all strapped in the car in record time. (If only I could be that motivated on Sunday mornings--then we'd be to church ten minutes early like my husband wishes we would be...instead of parading in thirty seconds before the meeting starts.)

The very first yard sale I went to had my baby swing. I couldn't believe it. I had little hope, but in just seconds I was asking her what she was asking. When she said $20, I pounced on it. Maybe some would have offered something less, after all the sale was just getting started. But not me.

I don't dicker.

I found almost everything on my list that weekend. It was like magic. I had been thinking of asking all of my friends to help me find used items instead of having a baby shower. It seemed wasteful to buy new items when they were only going to get used by one baby. I was going to make a game out of it. But the universe came through for me, which turned out to be much less awkward.

The paradox in all of this is that I wish I had had these things for all of my babies--but it was after taking care of three babies that I learned just what things I would like to have!

For You

Usually I don't have much to offer in the way of pictures, but I took one just for you!


Merry Christmas!



P.S. I realize it doesn't make a lot of sense to have him barefoot when he's wearing long underwear, but those piggies were so cute I had to take a picture before I put his socks on.

Improving Home: The Girls' Room

I may have a disorder.

Or a problem with disorder.

I may have a disorder which causes me to live in disorder because I have to do things in my own order (which should probably be called my own disorder because often the order in which I do things does not correspond with my priorities).

I may have a disorder disorder. Is this possible?

If none of that made sense, do not worry. I was just trying to explain why I have not posted for more than a month: because I have not yet finished the girls' room.

There are so many posts in between that should have been written (for example, I could tell you about how I birthed a ten and a quarter pound baby), but I could not post them or even write them until the girls' room was finished.

And it wasn't. It isn't.

Yet.

There's always tomorrow...

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait

Not long ago, I gave up my search for affordable plant stands and improvised instead. I found it strange that in almost no time, this plant stand practically fell into my lap, and for only twelve dollars!

So before I put Jack O. Lantern away until next October, I thought I'd share a picture.

Happy November!