Judge Not (Part One)

I was born of a woman who is good at not judging people.  I can not think of a time when I heard her say something unkind about someone else.  I, on the other hand, have heard the bible verse that says "judge not that ye be not judged" echo in my mind many times over the years when I have let my pride talk out loud in my head.

Lately I have come to realize that the words of that scripture may have a double meaning I didn't think of before.  I always understood it to mean that if I judge others (righteous judgement excluded), I will be in the wrong and will have to stand before God with the fault of judging others on my head.

I still believe this to be true.

However, I am also starting to wonder if sometimes I am plagued with the very thing I once looked down on someone about...just so I could learn a lesson by being guilty of the same mistake...and then be judged of others in the same way I had once judged.

Here is just one example:

As a young infertile wife who longed for motherhood intensely, I often looked at mothers and saw crimes I was sure I would never commit if I only had the opportunity to be a mom myself.  I remember questioning a group of mothers in an internet chat room about soggy diapers on babies.  I had it in my mind that disposable diapers should always be changed immediately, even if they were just a little wet.

Skip forward twelve years.

Picture a Christmas tree and a stuffed ride-able reindeer in the front room.  Hear Big Sister say excitedly, "Mom, MOM!  There is snow in the house!"

I walked in to see glistening white fluff all over the floor under the reindeer and a confused husband poking it...looking like he was wondering why it was wet but not cold and WHERE ON EARTH IT CAME FROM since the ceiling was intact (it turned out that he actually thought it was stuffing from the reindeer and he was just confused about it being wet).  As soon as I saw it, I knew what it was.  In my concentration on the Christmas baking I had forgotten to change my reindeer-riding son's wet diaper, so it had broken open and emptied EVERYWHERE.

We all had a good laugh.  I shook my head and smiled...hoping the mothers in that chat room had forgiven my greater-than-thou voice all of those years ago.

And I also find it ironic that the "snow" wasn't yellow...

I just now became overwhelmed thinking of all the other examples I could give on this subject.  I will have to share them another day because I need to go clean ink from my walls and piano keys...something I was so sure I would be able to prevent when I was a mother.

You can go ahead and judge me now.  I deserve it!

You Might Be Living on a Teacher's Salary If:

1.  Mom would rather go to a yard sale than the mall.

2.  Dad brings home his paper sack from his lunch so it can be used again.

3.  Mom and Dad only go on a date once or twice a year because paying a babysitter to watch four kids costs more than a meal out.

4.  Almost all of the children's clothing are hand-me-downs (Mom loves hand-me-downs, by the way).

5.   Half of Mom's shirts are more than fifteen years old.

6.  Mom decorates all of the children's birthday cakes herself, even though they sometimes turn out like this:

7.  After the birthday child blows out the candles, removes them and licks off the frosting, Mom washes them off and saves them to be used again.

The Baby Hungry Years

Years ago, a sweet little white-haired woman was admiring my baby in the hallway at church.  She said, "Oh, I've never gotten over having to stop having babies.  I loved that time."

Her words have haunted me.  She must have been almost eighty.  Forty years is a long time to be baby hungry.

Let me just interrupt myself here to say I wish there was a better term: I do think babies are delicious, but I would never actually eat one.

Anyway, I have already lived seven years of my life STARVING for a baby.  Those times were hard.  And though I think those years turned out to be good for me, I don't necessarily want to live them over again.

Because I lack the ability to see the future, I can't say for certain if this is our last baby, but I'm pretty sure he is.  I have treasured each of my children, but knowing this baby may be my last, I try to pause as often as I can to hold on to these little baby moments that go by so quickly.

These paused moments are like photographs in my heart and I love them.

I know an empty-nester who doesn't even enjoy looking at pictures or old movies of her children when they were little because it makes her sad.  It makes her long for those times again.

That haunts me too.

Everyday, there is a lecture going on in my head.  It sounds something like this:  "Love the phase you're in.  Enjoy this time so you don't regret wasting it.  And when this time is over, it will be okay because then you won't have to endure _________ anymore."  (Insert whatever is hard about the current phase.)

Tell me if you know, is it possible to talk myself out of being sad when this time is over?

To-Do List

Yesterday I made myself a to-do list hoping it would motivate me to get some things done in this disaster zone.

This is the list:

• Water plants
• Do dishes
• Vacuum
• Finish thank-you notes
• Make Chinese

This is what I actually did:

• Watched an episode of "America's Funniest Home Videos" with my three little kids
• Watched another episode just so I could listen to my two-year-old laugh some more
• Sewed an ear on a bunny rabbit
• Sewed a tail on a kitty cat
• Watered the plants
• Did half the dishes
• Vacuumed half the house
• Let my husband make hot dogs while I fed the baby

 So as a grade, did I earn about a 75%?

I'm okay with that.


Post-edit:  I realized later today that I killed the math in this post!  I only did half the dishes & vacuuming, & I didn't make Chinese, so I should only get a score of 40%...which explains why I was so content with the 75.  Can I get extra credit for doing laundry?

If Only There Was a Delete Button for My Mouth

I have always wished to be more prudent with my words, mostly because I am not very smart and often what I say completely gives that away.

Once in awhile, I wish I had kept my mouth shut because I realize my words were hurtful to someone.  I regret those times most of all.

I like to think that I am a thoughtful and caring person, but if I was, why would I say this to my grandfather with terminal cancer:  "Wow, it's so hot in here.  Aren't you dying?"  He just looked at me.  Then, not knowing what I could say to fix my mistake, I chuckled nervously and left the room.

Can you believe that?  I chuckled.  Why do I do that?  I called Dr. Laura once and she didn't even want to listen to me because my nervous laugh kept punctuating my words.  I must have sounded so stupid on the radio!

Oh well.  At least I wasn't on TV.

One time I talked to a neighbor on the phone.  This is how the conversation went:

Me:  "Hello.  I'm sorry I didn't come visiting teaching last month.  I stopped by with some cookies but you weren't home so I put them in your garage.  If you didn't find them, they must be stale by now so you'll have to give them to your dogs."

Her:  "We don't have any dogs."

Me:  "You don't?"  (Thinking to myself, "I was sure they had dogs...")

Her:  "Actually, we ate them."

Me:  "You ate your DOGS?!?!!

There was a moment of silence while it came to me: she meant they ate the cookies, not the dogs.  Then I started to laugh uncontrollably while she sat quietly on the other end.  She didn't find it funny at all.

Just this weekend as we finished our meal at a restaurant with some visiting family the waitress started talking to me.  I assumed she was going to ask me if the meal ticket was together or separate, so I answered her before I realized what she actually did ask.  So this was how it sounded:

Waitress:  "I need the ages of your children for the check."

Me:  "You'll have to ask him about that (indicating my husband)."

You know, because I'm the kind of mom who has no idea how old her children are.

My baby is good at putting his foot in his mouth too, but it's so much cuter when he does it.

My Comfort Blanket

I don't know if quillows were a big thing everywhere or just in my home town, but my foster mom made one for me back when I lived there (what seems like a million years ago).  Although it is now faded and worn (often how I feel--not that I feel old yet, but just that I sometimes miss the vibrancy and energy I had when I was a teenager), I use it every night when we couch-potato (I'll bet you didn't know that could be a verb) because it is the only blanket that keeps my feet warm.  In my opinion, every blanket should have a pocket for your feet.

Also, every night I sleep on a special pillow my mom gave me for my birthday.  I was with her when she bought it, but she still took it home and wrapped it in pretty paper before she gave it to me, which I thought was a little silly but still very sweet.  I love the pillow.  It feels like a hug.

I love how she accepted me as her own even though I was ungrateful and angry so much of the time.  I love the way she has patiently waited as I repeatedly put time with her on the back burner while I spend time with my own family members.  Even though I wish she wouldn't fret, I think it is nice that she still frets over me.

And I love that even though she is hundreds of miles away and it has been more than a dozen years since I left her nest, I still feel like she tucks me in and hugs me every night before I go to sleep.

Improving Home: The Girls' Room, Final Before and After

I forgot to show you one of my favorite things in the girls' room.  My seven-year-old daughter's best friend gave this to her for her birthday last year:

If you don't know what it is, it's a picture of a temple, where we as Latter-Day Saints aspire to be married.
 

And this is another piece of artwork that my daughter finger-painted in kindergarten.  I think the art teacher at my daughter's school is amazing.




If you've been around this blog long enough to see the "before" picture, you'll know that it was posted a very long time ago.  Here it is one last time:

Before

After

And now I say GOOD NIGHT to the girls' room!

Glow-in-the-dark stars