Birth Stories: Forward

After years of infertility, I joined an online support group. I was looking for encouragement, but I found more than that: I found friendship. For a few years now, I have built relationships with twelve online friends. From my computer, I have witnessed joyful events and tragedy in their lives. I could write pages about each friend, but to briefly tell you about each one:

1. She suffered miscarriage after miscarriage and is now patiently waiting (already months longer than originally planned) for her son who will come to her family through adoption from Korea.

2. She lost her miracle baby, and then found out she had one chance to conceive through IVF before she would need a hysterectomy to rid herself of cancer. The IVF was unsuccessful. Now she and her husband are saving money to pay for adoption.

3. After enduring eight years of infertility, then a miscarriage, then another two years of infertility (all while she ran a daycare in her home), she now has a sweet little girl of her own to take care of.

4. She was blessed like me and has two young children, eighteen months apart.

5. I could hardly believe my eyes when after she was told by doctors that she would never be able to conceive, she DID ANYWAY.

6. A mother of an adopted daughter was elated to be expecting a baby, but lost her at fifteen weeks. She has since adopted a son, but she still grieves.

7. At age forty, she experienced a miscarriage and several failed reproductive procedures, but she carries on, hoping she can turn her only child into a brother.

8. Her first child, Kierstyn, died after only two weeks of life. My friend now has two sons, but she still struggles as she faces a world that not only does not have her daughter in it, but also lacks support for her to keep Kierstyn's memory alive.

9. She has lived nine years of infertility with miscarriages during the first half and no pregnancies during the last half.

10. I cried when one friend faced the birth of her twin boys at twenty-two weeks and rejoiced when she later gave birth again to twin boys that made it.

11. After 3.5 long years, she finally became pregnant. She miscarried within the week.

12. She has been waiting for a baby for nine years. I cheered her on as she successfully met her goal of losing 130 pounds.

All of these women stood by me even after I changed from an infertile woman to a mother of three small children.

I have noticed (with an ache in my heart during the years I was longing for children), that when mothers get together for a long conversation, the talk always leads to childbirth. I have heard some amazing stories. But, because I have felt the pain of longing for children, and I have friends who still do, it only feels right to acknowledge them before I share the stories of the birth of my children.

I love my children with all of me. I cherished carrying them, but I want to say wholeheartedly, carrying them was NOTHING compared to having them in my arms. It was like a means to an end--the reason why I loved my pregnancies was because they were going to bring to me A CHILD. Those nine months are almost insignificant when it comes to the years I have spent and will spend caring for them and loving them. If I had adopted my children, I would tell the story of how they came to our family just as passionately.

I love birth stories and I love adoption stories.

Here are a couple of adoption stories I enjoyed reading:

This one and this one...

And this one made me cry (happy tears).