Years ago, a sweet little white-haired woman was admiring my baby in the hallway at church. She said, "Oh, I've never gotten over having to stop having babies. I loved that time."
Her words have haunted me. She must have been almost eighty. Forty years is a long time to be baby hungry.
Let me just interrupt myself here to say I wish there was a better term: I do think babies are delicious, but I would never actually eat one.
Anyway, I have already lived seven years of my life STARVING for a baby. Those times were hard. And though I think those years turned out to be good for me, I don't necessarily want to live them over again.
Because I lack the ability to see the future, I can't say for certain if this is our last baby, but I'm pretty sure he is. I have treasured each of my children, but knowing this baby may be my last, I try to pause as often as I can to hold on to these little baby moments that go by so quickly.
These paused moments are like photographs in my heart and I love them.
I know an empty-nester who doesn't even enjoy looking at pictures or old movies of her children when they were little because it makes her sad. It makes her long for those times again.
That haunts me too.
Everyday, there is a lecture going on in my head. It sounds something like this: "Love the phase you're in. Enjoy this time so you don't regret wasting it. And when this time is over, it will be okay because then you won't have to endure _________ anymore." (Insert whatever is hard about the current phase.)
Tell me if you know, is it possible to talk myself out of being sad when this time is over?
2 comments:
I've never experienced that. I was done and knew I was done and have never looked back. Maybe I'll be one of those old ladies that misses the teenage years.
Who knows.......
Thank you, Catherine. I guess anything is possible, but I wouldn't want to be a teenager again for all the money in the world!
Post a Comment